Rizhiner Hamelech

There is a famous story about R' Yisrael Rizhiner that when he would get to the words HAMELECH on Rosh Hashana morning he would faint. Asked why he fainted the Rebbe replied with a story from the gemara. "When R' Yochanan Ben Zakkai was smuggled out of Yerushalaim to meet Antoninus, he called Antoninus "Caeser", or King. Antoninus accused RYBZ of two counts of treason. One, that he called Antoninus king when the real king was in Rome. Two, Antoninus said, "If I am the King, what took you so long to get here?" With this in mind, the awesomeness of the realization that for two days, two hours, or two minutes, hashem is the king can be to great to bear at times. Particularly when one asks, "If Hashem is really the king, and I realize that now, What took me so long to get here?" This was R' Yisrael Rizhiner. Sometimes, this reality of hashem's kingship is fet differently. I find myself wondering at times, "So if Hashem is my father, and i'm his son what took him so long to get here?' This broken feeling leaves me with one overarching thought. A person is like a Kli-Cheres, a vessel made from earth. A kli cheres that becomes impure cannot be purified in a mikvah like other keilim. Shviratan hi Taharatan. Its breaking is its purification.( R' Weinberger pre slichos 5770).
The feeling that we need to be closer to Hashem or that he has abandoned us is real, but it is the most gevalt thing in the world because it is our purification. Like the Divrei Yisrael Says, when a person thinks he can't go on any longer, just hold on one more second and the yeshua is right there waiting. Azamra Leelokai Beodi, we want to sing to Hashem now and forever. If we just hold on B'Odi, just a little bit, that is the greatest song we can sing. Blessings of Tshuva, Tranquility and A Yankees World Series Victory.
Gmar Tov
Shanah Tovah