Brokedown Palaces

This Past Week, Yosef and Binyamin were strewn over one another, crying over the future destruction that would occur in their respective נחלאות (land inheritances).

The Lubavitcher Rebbe (R' M.M. Schneerson)* points out a puzzling thing.
Yosef and Binyamin each were to suffer future destruction.
Binyamin would endure the Destruction of the 1st and 2nd Beis Hamikdash in his נחלה, and Yosef was to endure the destruction of Mishkan Shilo.
We would think that Yosef and Binyamin would cry together, each lamenting HIS OWN future destruction. But that's not what happened. They cried for the others' future suffering

Why?

The Rebbe Explains (Likutei sichos 10 page 149). When someone bears witness to his own destruction, he cannot just sit and lament his sorrow and misfortune, he needs to do something to fix it. In one's spiritual existence, we cannot get sucked into saddness when we fall. The best response is to get up and move forward. This is the message of the Baal Shem Tov 's teaching on the passuk , סור מרע ועשה טוב. When a person is in a place of darkness, the easiest way out is by עשה טוב. This is echoed by Rav Nachman's teaching of אם אתה מאמין שיכולים לקלקל תאמין שיכולים לתקן. As easy as you broke it, you can fix it. Yaacov Avinu (obviously a talmid of the BESHT) follows this teaching after leaving שכם (not Nablus). He basically tells his family, " Okay let's take all of the idol worship and impurity that we have on us, throw it out, go to the mikvah, and move forward in life." But this is when we have destruction in our own camp. We can and we must fix it and move forward.

When you see that someone else is broken, the highest and deepest fixing for that person, is having someone to cry with them. This is related to the secret of Adam eating from the Tree of Knowledge after Chava, lest she be left to cry alone over her mistake. When you try to always be a fixer, even if you are successful, it could very easily become about "YOU". This is the amazing thing about real Tzaddikim. They fix the world, and every soul that needs help, but it's never about them.

The Klauzeberger Rebbe (Shefa Chaim, Y.Y. Halberstan), lost 10 children and his wife during the war. In response to his on brokenness, the Rebbe built Yehivot in the DP camps, and started Mif'al Hashas out of the ashes of the destruction that surrounded him. While immidiately getting to fixing the brokenness, the Rebbe became father, rebbe and therapist to countless boys and girls. Yet his approach was not one of a "Fixer." A boy who had been a top talmid before the war, came out totally broken, and disinterested in yiddishkeit and Hashem (which is understandable). The Rebbe did not like to see such a precious gem fall to the wayside, and tried speaking to this boy. The Rebbe didn't try to fix him, he didn't give him a "discovery" seminar and prove that Hashem really exist and therefore this was part of the plan. The Rebbe cried with him. The Boy cried with the Rebbe. They cried with eachother.

R' Shmuel Brazil explained in Parshas Nitzavim that there are two types of personalities.
חוטב עציך and שואב ממיך. There is one type of person, teacher, parent that will respond to your difficulties by giving you עצות a to how to fix your life.

Then, there is a second type of guidance, which is a שואב מים. He cries for you.

This month of Teves is a month of broken walls, and broken dreams. Instead of trying to fix on another, let's cry together.

*thank you RJM